I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
