every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
