I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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