girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
