At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
