I love black thongs
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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