I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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