before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
