All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize