would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
