I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The beer is more important than you right now.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
