Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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