This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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