No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You are the jesus of drinking
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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