Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
