like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
