There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
