i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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