you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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