where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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