i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
