Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
