put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Farmville is her only friend.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
