i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize