I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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