fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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