i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We need to rekindle our bromance
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
