I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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