we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
