hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
