I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
