I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
