I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
