You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Randomize
