shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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