Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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