take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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