It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
