i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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