His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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