I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We talked him into tasing himself.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
