All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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