we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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