i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She's the barista slut.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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