im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
