I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
