apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
