ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
