just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
