Im at strip club and am horny
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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