so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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