u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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