I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
