I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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