Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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