My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
