HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
