All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
