I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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