I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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