im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
