I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
