I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
