girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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