Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
