The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
