I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
