please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
where am i from again
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
