hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
