"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
