My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
