I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
