The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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