apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
