If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
