There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
