Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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