It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
