Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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