I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
