Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize