I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i drank out of a bidet.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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