I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
