We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize