i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
