don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
